I need pain to rescue me, a rip elbow to wrist,
Freely flowing hot red stickiness clotting quickly,
Might abate the crimson inside my skull blazing incandescent,
This searing, incessant screaming shattering eardrums,
dragging nails across  skin, shaking fingers digging deep into flesh,
The creaking ribs against the bludgeoning heart, rancid spirals of
cuss that is a body language, lips split and spew visceral sludge,
stewing inside acidic gut, the arms that hold in in tight to keep
the bones from coming unhinged...
give me some pain that isn't you
ive died a million times more painful deaths
some mercy I surely could use 

Point blank

The deep end of loss, a question left to eternity,
The mourning of whats and whens and wheres,
The seemingly defeated heart does not stop beating,
A flurry of thoughts, all tangled and fragmented shards,
A tale not worth telling, no epic, no bard-worthy histrionics,
But a grain of suffering on an ocean bed of carcass,
Just what cuts, it is hard to say, it is everywhere; it is everything,
The floor is kind, or at least cold and strong and holds on,
While the world dazzlingly spins on, and on, and on,
And these words are not owned, they drip off like slime,
There's no one and nothing and no sense of time,
Some hurts are days, some blades are faces, some daggers are moments,
There're are promises, and failures, and memories and costly mistakes,
There's no way out, there's no way out, there's no way out,

till the end

Day -1

The end of ‘US’ ought to be observed as a death,

A wake, a funeral, a time to weep, be dressed for mourning,

There should be time to think about the loss of love,

There should be words said about the heaven once had,

There should be songs sung to pay homage to the beauty past,

The end of ‘Us’ sure feels like a death

I’m staring at the corpse; the rotting, bloated remains,

The mangled words are all that remain, and this incredible loss,

Staring up at the sky; it is mute now, gone - leaving just a void,

Rubbing a corpse’s cold, rigid, fingers won’t bring it back to life,

The end of ‘US’ is a death of me and a death of you,

All the parts of us that’ll never again shine through,

Already now, the disease and suffering forgotten,

Remembrance aided by sandalwood scents from places of worship,

Battered blue cloth, preserved stains on pillows, handwriting between book pages,

Apparitions of ‘us’ is all that’s left,
How we were, enmeshed into one – one life

Caramel Carnage

Bang! Crash! Screech! Smash!
This bloody dance; this barbarous clash,
I dress up in spikes and thorns and
You caress me with your horns,
A heart for a heart; an eye for an eye,
We may not stop till we're both destroyed,
I burn you to a crisp, you freeze me completely,
Annihilate, poison, mangle, obliterate, fully,
I gouge out your eyes, you scalp me nice,
Yet, all the pain in the world cannot suffice,

to break the grasp that we once forged,
the parts of each other we oft explored,
the sacred embraces, the entwined hopes,
the gilded memories, the hapless plans,
we have loved so much, haven't we?

The tears that escape us now are for the other,
We have to stop, this day, not another,
I cannot leave and neither can you...
But neither of us knows what to do...

This bloody dance; this barbarous clash,
We must stop; lest we go on,
Till death...

Flashbacks in the dark

Nights are foes to the wounds from loss, 

Whose instruments of pain are sleep and dreams, 

Whose dreams remember the pain she was in, 

Whose sleep forgets the fact that she's gone 

Different as night and day,
Neither one can negotiate,
This icy stretch that inundates,
The signs of life, the blossoming of love,
In haste, we sharpen our blades,
And in circles, slip, slide, and skate,
Get to each other, if only to get to each other,
Not one bit closer; the ice is thin, the winds close in,
Craaackkk! Into the biting water...

Tick-tock

I am thinking of a time, when the only question I had was how your newly grown stubble would feel against my palm,
Not knowing you even a little, I never doubted that Id not get what I asked of you,
I never doubted that you'd never hurt me,

Eons later,  the stubble's gone, you shimmer and radiate and outshine every version of yourself,
And I've touched you every where,
And had you every way,
No longer sure, if I can have what I want,
Or if you will never hurt me again

There's many a slip,

Between the lip,

And all the words that don't get said 

It's two different worlds you know

One where you hide behind the door
Waiting to spook me and I spot you and it's lovely and funny and sexy
So you scoop me and your arms are clouds and I'm gliding and the world is beneath us and beyond us and it feels...  Feels like home

Two when you're there and I'm here and everything is measured and distilled and dialled back and toned down and distorted and inconvenient and there's voices and noises and I don't fit in the picture you're in...  Feels like a tomb

Uncurl. Unfurl. Unwind.
Let go.

You used to know how to breathe,
Didn't you?

Why are you here again?
You chose your path, Made you bed
This isn't a trial, no one else need step into the box

You used to smile so easily
Remember that?

Why do you lips purse? Your thin mouth is flat-lining
There is that simple equation, the one to lift up those drooping corners
You lost that scrap of paper somewhere didn't you?

You had it figured out. You had it down to an art
I know you did.

Why are you unfriending the mirrors now? What truth are you afraid to see in them?
Why are your fingers so stiff? Has the rigor mortis set in?
Another dream too tight to let your blood circulate

You'd learnt to tread light, move fast, never stay still too long
And now, here you are lying flat on the ground
Insanity is making the same mistakes and hoping to not be broken

Perpendicular Paths

A lover of corners. That’s who I am. They are dark and cozy and nurse my despair,

I have come to look for corners. You should look too and find me there,

‘tis been a many long night, a prickly road, a starless sky, a bumpy ride,

I have come to belong to my corners, they welcome me home, I don’t like the wide open  I don’t have the tools,

I am a maze of corners, You will find them everywhere. Things used to grow here, now there’s only the bare,

I brew potions in the corners. Don’t be fooled, you won’t be spared, the things that lurk inside me will swallow you without a care,

Good and gold you are, whole and supple, luscious and plentiful, warm and vigorous, loving and loved

I want to give you more than corners, but I’m afraid they’re all I have. I was an open field once too,

Let’s not talk about it, it makes me sad

Forever.Land

I think of childhood as a time of forevers ad infinitum,

Everything's immortal, large, neverending 

Everything's draped in pretend capes woven with irreverent confidence, 

Everything's embellished with memories of excitement and euphoria of discovery, 

Not anymore, not now, no, I am no longer a child, 

Now, saddled with the weight of many a long-winding-dead-ended choices, 

Now, living with the selective amnesia and 'why's I don't have answers to, 

Now, without warm and fuzzy dreams of forevers and ever afters and ecstatic never-endings, 

I don't know, you know? 

So, I write these words, 

I want to remember, 

How this felt, 

Face up, bodies entwined, floating serenely in the ocean of my love, 

Lazy-eyed, satiatedly gazing upon the infinite twilit sky of your love, 

Whatever else happens, whatever we may become, whatever path we choose, 

I want to remember, 

How in this moment, we ARE love...

Drought

I wish I had the words to tell you how much I miss you, 
Staying up all night conjuring images of your long fingers on my forehead,
Imagining the Haven that is the crook of your talc perfumed slender neck,
Remembering how you pink-ed when teased, laughter sliding out under pretence righteousness,
Admiring how you dressed in those crushed, hastily picked out outfits that had nothing on your Cape of kindness and love,
Longing for those kisses you fortified me with while I was still half asleep and you up at dawn-
The way I do to my daughter now,
Aching for the way your shadow cast formidably upon troubles, transforming them magician-like... Dragon to bunny,

DON'T. STOP. IT HURTS. I WASN'T READY.

I wish I had the words to tell you how much I miss you,
But since you're gone,  who would listen anyway?

Is it okay...?
My sleep-glued eyes open to heaven,
Sun-lined-gold-bronze-back-of-you-breathing even,
The summation of my aspirations for this lifetime,
Is that okay?

I think I've reached that point
where

Feeling. Anything. Hurts ...

Listen,
I need to tell you something, I might be sinking
I love you, okay?

Quagmire

Sometimes my thoughts grow far from me, 
Like branches from the trunk of a grand oak tree,
I look up at them; they seem another entity,
I watch them and tire from this incredulity,
Elsewhere voices, my voices,  echo,  'could this be me?'
The space inside my head is a crowded place I cannot leave,
Wandering I wonder detachedly, the running reel,
A thought throbs in the background,  fleetingly,
Could any other but it's own flourish from the trunk of the ol' oak tree?

Some early-morning clarity served up in cut-crystal,
A penny drops,'clink-chink!!' echoing against the exhausting eternity of consciousness,
That maybe when the shot finds its mark, when the sleeping pill overdose takes its course,
when the footstool slips away from under feet, when the pavement rushes at the incoming skull,
when the bathwater turns crimson red, when the lungs have surrendered to asphyxiation by gas,
It is not this life that is traded for death, but the weight of all thoughts, all fears, all dreams, all hopes,
The accumulation of this emotional excess,  finally slides out of the once-throbbing chest...

TNT

Feeling the earth shudder under her feet once more,
She felt a strange kinship to a stone quarry,
Her three-dimensional landscape having been explored, sized up, drilled with explosive-laden holes and blown violently up to the sky, Just another source of construction material...
For those who now left behind a wasteland - an unsightly blemish on the panorama

Mice and men

It'll hold you together - my love that is a thing of absolutes, 
So that when I leave, it'll pied-piper away each and every piece of your being