Jasmine Stains

 

My hair smells like jasmine,

From the wedding I went to last night, 

When I tethered my untameable hair with flowers,

I will never be a bride again, I will never be a wife again, I will never be tied nor chained ever again, 

My hair smells like cigarette smoke, and as I stood in the rain, 

Draped in silk, and grey clouds escaped my red lips,

A man told me that it was erotic, which he thought was a compliment,

They ask me what my husband does, 

I hate how defensive I sound when I say, "Actually, I'm a single parent."

In case you were wondering, 

Their ‘Oh!’s are the colour pistachio puke, and taste like discomfort,

I can see the question in their eyes,

"Which D was it - death or divorce?" 

They wonder which is worse,

Once the faces told me,

"Leave him; he doesn't deserve you;

You don't deserve this pain,"

They didn't mean it of course,

You see, leaving is not a woman's prerogative, 

It does her well to cast her eyes downwards and dye herself in fragile feminine forlornness,

I have a reputation these days,

Of being a seductress, 

Of being a temptress, 

Of being a skank, 

Because the tattoos on my body, 

Because the promiscuity of my skin,

Because the debauchery in my eyes,

Make a man consider leaving his wife, 

Make a man fall infatuatedly into my arms and between my thighs,

Make a man an adulterer, and what he does with me will only ever be illegitimate,

My reputation makes no allowances the state of my shattered heart, 

My reputation disallows the consensuality of this 'seduction',

My perceived immorality does not deserve the same forgiveness as his,

After all, I'm collector's item, a crown jewel, 

A dusty curio on a dustier shelf,

That thing between my legs must have no will of its own,

A thing to be protected (read possessed), 

Or a thing to be prosecuted (read persecuted),

My father says, it's irrelevant whether it was the leaf that impaled itself on the thorn of if it was the thorn that pierced through the leaf,

The damage is always bourn by the leaf alone,

The leaf being a 'woman's character', 

The thorn being any of the ample barbed fences on which a woman can impale herself, 

I've thrashed against so many fences that I am now a sieve, 

All light passes through me, in and out, 

It's pitch black where I am, so forgive me for lighting a fire, 

There are as many 'type’s of woman as there are grains of sand by the sea,

I'm an ocean of unknowns to you,

You are not eligible to name me,

My flesh is on fire, with smouldering sexuality,

So unless they want to fuck me, they absolutely hate me, 

And even then they don't like me so much, 

Desire is a man's turf, right up there with moustaches and Adam's apples,

I'm the apple, I am the snake, I am Eve, 

I am the vibrator nestled between flimsy, cheap lace underwear,

I am the shame, of saying I came,

Though it's not even funny how much I didn't! 

My tongue is drugged from a decade's worth of answering,

"What's for dinner?"s and "Where is my ________"s,

I'm more than the answers to these questions, I think,

Yet, I've got generations worth of guilt in my soul,

For being too busy, for being too free, for having friends, or not having too many, for indulging myself, for not indulging some significant other, for not knowing how to be woman enough, or being too much of a woman, 

Damn! I'm more than this guilt, 

I want to put down this burden; I am exhausted from carrying it,

I'm got boxes, and barrels, and tanks full of anger, 

I've got the superlatives embellished with expletives of this anger,

I've got screams, I've got battle cries, I've got bellows that rot from this anger,  

And I try to summon my inner duck,

And let it all roll off my back,

And all I'm getting is my inner wolf, 

And my haunches are raised and my knuckles are white, 

And I hold tight on to my little girl's hand, 

And promise myself she will be stronger than me,

And promise myself that this stain on me is not something hereditary,

And I tell her, 'Baby, house doesn't always win,

Not if you refuse the oldest game ever played,’

My hair smells like jasmine,

And smoke, and soot, and thorns,

And lace, and sweat, and perfume,

And spices, and blood, and milk,

And paper, and dirt, and tears, 

And all the things that make me much more than what's between my legs

And now that it's done,
All I have left of your love,
Are the dregs in my soul,
And the bitter aftertaste of crushed hope

So many songs sung about you,
Poetry that blushed pink only for you,
The skyscraping claims, the conspiring whispers of your name,
They have all been in vain,

Now they ask me, 'What happened?'
I shrug and say, 'It didn't work out',
It betrays you, me, and what we used to be,
To have these years reduced to those words,
Four words that replace three,
'I love you', 'I love him', 'We are together'
All gone and now,
There are no words, there's only pain,
And there's the fear that I might never love again

Purgatory

There are so many definitions of hell,
Mine's wondering if you'd have fought harder,
Had I been someone else

The things we do,
Just to be held by someone

I'm not sad,
Only how the eyes sweat,
From this heart's toil...

Subterfuge

A spectrum of human emotions,
Red was never my colour,
Moth to a flame,
Along you came,
Now you've gifted me anger's hue
All this red will dye my heart an icy, cold blue

Frozen crystals on the cheeks,
Sweat trapped beneath cold skin,
Warm memories escaping vapidly,
Red help me be whole again

What's love but this life's inferno...
Abandon hope all ye who enter
(In the least, note thee thine nearest exit)

A day for love they say,
I look through photographs,
From time long gone and gone again,
I gorge on self loathing feeding
On the ruins of my self,
All that was once shiny and good
Has been plundered and lost
Worst kind of gambler and chorincally irreverent,
Ive bet it all and lost it all,
Around the curb you'll find me,
If you look carefully, and see past the grime,
Take a good look - say oh how the mighty have fallen!
It's a day for love they say,
It eludes me, it eludes me in every way

Some day, not far from now,
You will lie against the softness,
Of a woman's breasts and whisper
to her the things that I did to you,
And she will hold you like I do,
And think that she will be different

A buzzing in my ear,
A voice that says, 
'you could end this'
'you don't have to keep going'
'imagine: never having to open your eyes again'

I swat at it, hastily chase it away,
No, not when there are small hands,
That need to go around me each night
Swat, swat, swat, swat them away

But I acknowledge the buzzing,
I see it looming around me,
Tempting me with the thought of release,

I could sew up the tears of course,
But it feels like old, worn, fabric,
It's split everywhere, gaping mouths,
Open in eternal despair,
Where do I begin? How do I pack it all in?

What's inside is too large to hold,
It pushes past toad eyes,
It saturates and exiles each hair,
It seeps tellingly into the skin,
It bulges into layers of excess,
It threatens to rip, it promises a kill

I hear the buzzing,
Maybe it won't kill me, maybe it will.

Thespianism vs Hystrioncs

Dear diary,

I'm pretending to be happy,
I'm bringing the fucking sunshine,
I'm shitting them fucking rainbows,
I'm dancing the twisted foxtrot,
I'm reining the torched up lowlands,
I'm biting the cursed red apple,
I'm lapping the withering daylight
I'm winning the voluptuous nothings,

21 days makes anything a habit,
I may be losing my own fucking bet...

I drove by your house today,
I don't know why I did that,
I'm a sane woman, no really I am,
Yes I am, and yes, I did that

Nervousness electrifying, hair stood on end,
I remember another kind of electricity, a carnal flushed red,

Don't know what I hoped would happen,
Don't know if I wanted to catch sight of you,
Don't know if I wanted to be caught out instead,

Some excuse perhaps, to defend,
What you mean to me, what you meant,
What you will mean, when it's the end,
To scream and shout and un-relent,
To have a name for what we are,
To declare war, to uncleave the scars,
Or perhaps just to catch a glimpse,
Of pictures in the flesh, of the life behind the lens,

As is was, it was all for nothing,
No catching or getting caught,
No glimpsing, no screaming bouts,
A circuitous route to come up bare,
No one knew, not one cared,

I won't drive by your house again

Oxymoron

Loving you to soaking wet pillows and wanting nothing to do with you by the light of day.

May be you'll never know,
Why I need that something more.

No. Love is not enough.

Saying you love me behind closed doors.
Is not enough.
Saying you're here when I'm always alone.
Is not enough.
Telling me you care and making me wait.
Is not enough.
Asking me to fight and forsake and forbear.
Whist you hide and hold on and huddle up.
Is not enough.

I have outlived your closed doors.
I have outgrown your bedroom walls.
I have outcried your flailing claims.

I have a name that exists beyond your whispers,
I have a strength that needs to be met with strength,
I am not the choice you should shudder to a make.

Not now. Not after so long. Not this way.

No.

More.

Mmmmmmm

Open-wide

Legs
Mouth
Fingers
Eyes

Sigh...
Can't remember why
I ever needed a guy

Gaslight-lit

I am outside the door again, knocking... begging to be let in,
Belatedly I bite my tongue, 'Why did I have to say that?'
Detachment is a thing of rigrourous practise,
I held the magnifying lens of my love to that one soul,
That which is brittle and dry and combustible, this was all meant to burn,

Once upon a life my drawbridges were drawn, my moat was a cauldron bubbling machine steam,
Point is there was a line, point is I knew how to protect myself,
Point is I was not vulnerable, point is I was the queen of my shoddy castle of lichen,

Why did you coerce me to unfurl, why did you dig pitchforks and spades where you had no business?
Why did you make me believe that anything meant squat? You didn't need to, I had given you everything,
Maybe it's like a slasher movie, one that's embarrassingly bad - but you have to know how it ends, right?

Now you have mowed down all my walls, and I'm crying but you won't take my call,
'Episodes' you say after you've sunk your dagger to the hilt within my flesh,
Twist it again and tell me you love me, once again and tell me you'd do anything,
Tell me that I am crazy, tell me I am insane, tell me that it is grotesque,

I didn't think that you were the hurtful kind, so tell me what is my crime,
I am doing time, standing outside the door again...begging to be let in 

I need to get on a mission to reinvent myself

Honesty - a bunch of dusty curios on a shelf

This heart of mine is a dreamer, a sentimental fool

That's a messy combination - as is now plenty clear to you

I'd thought that you had seen it, chosen me all the same

But that heart got it all twisted, and now I've come off as lame

I am here - always grateful and always sorry

There's not much else left to say

That I love you more than ever

Won't make the lameness go away

I'd cut off that thick, pulsating vein 

if  only I didn't have dues to pay
For me it's far from over, I will love you

Day after day after day after day

I need pain to rescue me, a rip elbow to wrist,
Freely flowing hot red stickiness clotting quickly,
Might abate the crimson inside my skull blazing incandescent,
This searing, incessant screaming shattering eardrums,
dragging nails across  skin, shaking fingers digging deep into flesh,
The creaking ribs against the bludgeoning heart, rancid spirals of
cuss that is a body language, lips split and spew visceral sludge,
stewing inside acidic gut, the arms that hold in in tight to keep
the bones from coming unhinged...
give me some pain that isn't you
ive died a million times more painful deaths
some mercy I surely could use 

Point blank

The deep end of loss, a question left to eternity,
The mourning of whats and whens and wheres,
The seemingly defeated heart does not stop beating,
A flurry of thoughts, all tangled and fragmented shards,
A tale not worth telling, no epic, no bard-worthy histrionics,
But a grain of suffering on an ocean bed of carcass,
Just what cuts, it is hard to say, it is everywhere; it is everything,
The floor is kind, or at least cold and strong and holds on,
While the world dazzlingly spins on, and on, and on,
And these words are not owned, they drip off like slime,
There's no one and nothing and no sense of time,
Some hurts are days, some blades are faces, some daggers are moments,
There're are promises, and failures, and memories and costly mistakes,
There's no way out, there's no way out, there's no way out,

till the end

Day -1

The end of ‘US’ ought to be observed as a death,

A wake, a funeral, a time to weep, be dressed for mourning,

There should be time to think about the loss of love,

There should be words said about the heaven once had,

There should be songs sung to pay homage to the beauty past,

The end of ‘Us’ sure feels like a death

I’m staring at the corpse; the rotting, bloated remains,

The mangled words are all that remain, and this incredible loss,

Staring up at the sky; it is mute now, gone - leaving just a void,

Rubbing a corpse’s cold, rigid, fingers won’t bring it back to life,

The end of ‘US’ is a death of me and a death of you,

All the parts of us that’ll never again shine through,

Already now, the disease and suffering forgotten,

Remembrance aided by sandalwood scents from places of worship,

Battered blue cloth, preserved stains on pillows, handwriting between book pages,

Apparitions of ‘us’ is all that’s left,
How we were, enmeshed into one – one life

Caramel Carnage

Bang! Crash! Screech! Smash!
This bloody dance; this barbarous clash,
I dress up in spikes and thorns and
You caress me with your horns,
A heart for a heart; an eye for an eye,
We may not stop till we're both destroyed,
I burn you to a crisp, you freeze me completely,
Annihilate, poison, mangle, obliterate, fully,
I gouge out your eyes, you scalp me nice,
Yet, all the pain in the world cannot suffice,

to break the grasp that we once forged,
the parts of each other we oft explored,
the sacred embraces, the entwined hopes,
the gilded memories, the hapless plans,
we have loved so much, haven't we?

The tears that escape us now are for the other,
We have to stop, this day, not another,
I cannot leave and neither can you...
But neither of us knows what to do...

This bloody dance; this barbarous clash,
We must stop; lest we go on,
Till death...

Flashbacks in the dark

Nights are foes to the wounds from loss, 

Whose instruments of pain are sleep and dreams, 

Whose dreams remember the pain she was in, 

Whose sleep forgets the fact that she's gone 

Different as night and day,
Neither one can negotiate,
This icy stretch that inundates,
The signs of life, the blossoming of love,
In haste, we sharpen our blades,
And in circles, slip, slide, and skate,
Get to each other, if only to get to each other,
Not one bit closer; the ice is thin, the winds close in,
Craaackkk! Into the biting water...

Tick-tock

I am thinking of a time, when the only question I had was how your newly grown stubble would feel against my palm,
Not knowing you even a little, I never doubted that Id not get what I asked of you,
I never doubted that you'd never hurt me,

Eons later,  the stubble's gone, you shimmer and radiate and outshine every version of yourself,
And I've touched you every where,
And had you every way,
No longer sure, if I can have what I want,
Or if you will never hurt me again

There's many a slip,

Between the lip,

And all the words that don't get said 

It's two different worlds you know

One where you hide behind the door
Waiting to spook me and I spot you and it's lovely and funny and sexy
So you scoop me and your arms are clouds and I'm gliding and the world is beneath us and beyond us and it feels...  Feels like home

Two when you're there and I'm here and everything is measured and distilled and dialled back and toned down and distorted and inconvenient and there's voices and noises and I don't fit in the picture you're in...  Feels like a tomb

Uncurl. Unfurl. Unwind.
Let go.

You used to know how to breathe,
Didn't you?

Why are you here again?
You chose your path, Made you bed
This isn't a trial, no one else need step into the box

You used to smile so easily
Remember that?

Why do you lips purse? Your thin mouth is flat-lining
There is that simple equation, the one to lift up those drooping corners
You lost that scrap of paper somewhere didn't you?

You had it figured out. You had it down to an art
I know you did.

Why are you unfriending the mirrors now? What truth are you afraid to see in them?
Why are your fingers so stiff? Has the rigor mortis set in?
Another dream too tight to let your blood circulate

You'd learnt to tread light, move fast, never stay still too long
And now, here you are lying flat on the ground
Insanity is making the same mistakes and hoping to not be broken

Perpendicular Paths

A lover of corners. That’s who I am. They are dark and cozy and nurse my despair,

I have come to look for corners. You should look too and find me there,

‘tis been a many long night, a prickly road, a starless sky, a bumpy ride,

I have come to belong to my corners, they welcome me home, I don’t like the wide open  I don’t have the tools,

I am a maze of corners, You will find them everywhere. Things used to grow here, now there’s only the bare,

I brew potions in the corners. Don’t be fooled, you won’t be spared, the things that lurk inside me will swallow you without a care,

Good and gold you are, whole and supple, luscious and plentiful, warm and vigorous, loving and loved

I want to give you more than corners, but I’m afraid they’re all I have. I was an open field once too,

Let’s not talk about it, it makes me sad

Forever.Land

I think of childhood as a time of forevers ad infinitum,

Everything's immortal, large, neverending 

Everything's draped in pretend capes woven with irreverent confidence, 

Everything's embellished with memories of excitement and euphoria of discovery, 

Not anymore, not now, no, I am no longer a child, 

Now, saddled with the weight of many a long-winding-dead-ended choices, 

Now, living with the selective amnesia and 'why's I don't have answers to, 

Now, without warm and fuzzy dreams of forevers and ever afters and ecstatic never-endings, 

I don't know, you know? 

So, I write these words, 

I want to remember, 

How this felt, 

Face up, bodies entwined, floating serenely in the ocean of my love, 

Lazy-eyed, satiatedly gazing upon the infinite twilit sky of your love, 

Whatever else happens, whatever we may become, whatever path we choose, 

I want to remember, 

How in this moment, we ARE love...

Drought

I wish I had the words to tell you how much I miss you, 
Staying up all night conjuring images of your long fingers on my forehead,
Imagining the Haven that is the crook of your talc perfumed slender neck,
Remembering how you pink-ed when teased, laughter sliding out under pretence righteousness,
Admiring how you dressed in those crushed, hastily picked out outfits that had nothing on your Cape of kindness and love,
Longing for those kisses you fortified me with while I was still half asleep and you up at dawn-
The way I do to my daughter now,
Aching for the way your shadow cast formidably upon troubles, transforming them magician-like... Dragon to bunny,

DON'T. STOP. IT HURTS. I WASN'T READY.

I wish I had the words to tell you how much I miss you,
But since you're gone,  who would listen anyway?

Is it okay...?
My sleep-glued eyes open to heaven,
Sun-lined-gold-bronze-back-of-you-breathing even,
The summation of my aspirations for this lifetime,
Is that okay?

I think I've reached that point
where

Feeling. Anything. Hurts ...

Listen,
I need to tell you something, I might be sinking
I love you, okay?

Quagmire

Sometimes my thoughts grow far from me, 
Like branches from the trunk of a grand oak tree,
I look up at them; they seem another entity,
I watch them and tire from this incredulity,
Elsewhere voices, my voices,  echo,  'could this be me?'
The space inside my head is a crowded place I cannot leave,
Wandering I wonder detachedly, the running reel,
A thought throbs in the background,  fleetingly,
Could any other but it's own flourish from the trunk of the ol' oak tree?

Some early-morning clarity served up in cut-crystal,
A penny drops,'clink-chink!!' echoing against the exhausting eternity of consciousness,
That maybe when the shot finds its mark, when the sleeping pill overdose takes its course,
when the footstool slips away from under feet, when the pavement rushes at the incoming skull,
when the bathwater turns crimson red, when the lungs have surrendered to asphyxiation by gas,
It is not this life that is traded for death, but the weight of all thoughts, all fears, all dreams, all hopes,
The accumulation of this emotional excess,  finally slides out of the once-throbbing chest...

TNT

Feeling the earth shudder under her feet once more,
She felt a strange kinship to a stone quarry,
Her three-dimensional landscape having been explored, sized up, drilled with explosive-laden holes and blown violently up to the sky, Just another source of construction material...
For those who now left behind a wasteland - an unsightly blemish on the panorama

Mice and men

It'll hold you together - my love that is a thing of absolutes, 
So that when I leave, it'll pied-piper away each and every piece of your being

 Strange are these humans, strange is their nature,' said one star to another
 The strangest perhaps they are when they tie their life with another,' said the other.
'Demons they seem to seek, where there are none to be found,
 experience cautions - much happiness in love a bad omen, it says,'
'Yet the most apparent demons -claws, fangs and all - shall no eye perceive,
 bleeding preferred to drowning, too deep in the ocean of love might they be seen,
'you see, to implode is a trait we thought we had mastered, for this is how we die,
 but burning out from within to without, is their way of being alive' the stars agree.

Origami Blossom

They say, you can fold a sheet of paper, no matter how big or small, only up to seven times
Didn't you know that?
Did you think you could stick your fingers in the back of your throat and throw up the bad taste in your pert mouth?
Did you think you escaped the infernos with just the wisps of black on your silken cheek, oblivious to soot-choked in your lungs?
Did you think you got away unscathed, seeing your pretty face in the mirror and not the scars of the gashes that used to be wings on your back?
Did the think the fallen stars in your eyes and the salt of your tears would anneal into tinted glasses and shield you from the glare?
Did you think you could start afresh? Start from scratch? Bury the hatchet? Turn the page?
My darling, my incurable fool, you hapless romantic, look at yourself? You have fingerprint-soiled creases all over...
Listen, hold on, stretch out and let your lungs breathe, don't you dare wait about,
Till you are all folded out...

Prose too prosaic for you

You hold a book, a book I love, it casts a shadow upon your face,
You burrow into words that have you smitten as they had me,

Your beautifully dense brows furrow and your eyes dart back and forth,

Devouring each page with a lusty appetite, you lean forward, completely taken,

It is probably nothing to anyone else, but you seem to me, most pervious,

You look like you should be touched, like you call for an embrace, that you are but to be loved,

With no real reason to help me understand, why in mundane activities, so star spangled you seem,

There is nothing to help me cope, with the feelings you draw out of me, why with you I’m malleable and ductile,

If there was a polaroid that could capture my life this moment, there you’d be reading, brown-gilded into sharp focus, everything else barely blurred noise ….

Three words too few

There are days when 'I love you', is not nearly enough, 

When I am battered for the words to tell you how I feel, 

There should be better words, words that sing, words that bleed, words that bloom and whither all at once, 

How about, 'I the-perfect-orb-of-your-shaven-head-is-my-world you'?

How about, 'I feel-liquid-when-you-gather-me-in-your-arms you'? 

How about, 'I my-fingers-search-for-you-to-touch-even-when-there's-no-you you'? 

How about, 'I laugh-at-our-post-coital-jokes-in-bed-alone you'?

How about, 'I can't-say-goodbye-not-for-five-minutes-of-separation you'?

How about, 'I your-voice-has-brought-me-back-to-life you'? 

How about, 'I would-wait-at-street-corners-forever-to-see-you you'?

How about, 'I can-hear-the-symphonies-in-our-silences you'?

How about, 'I stare-at-you-stare-at-me-and-the-world-stops you'? 

How about, 'I don't-wanna-wash-my-hair-to-preserve-your-scent you'?

How about, 'I will-never-let-go-of-a-world-you-are-in you'? 

How about, 'I love-you-will-never-be-enough-for-our-love you...'?

I knew I'd love you forever 

When my pencil started scribbling poetry

Instead of bucket lists 

The Silent Deep

For the longest time I believed that in loving as overwhelmingly as I do,

I was setting you up to fail, setting you up to falling short, 

It's taken me years to figure out that love was always meant to be an ocean, 

That looking at it you must think the world ends at the water's edge, 

That when love should feel like an amniotic sac, 

It took me years to figure out that it wasn't me, 

You just didn't have the sea legs to traverse my love 

Scalpel to the bone

The end of a bad relationship is quite like an amputation,
You endure severe trauma to the limb of your heart,
You keep at the macabre exercise till you cannot breathe, just cannot,
You closely probe the excruciating limb that is now infected with toxins of your hurt,

You do your best to infuse the limb with antidotes of self-reconciliation,

You methodically record your skin's pallor, your knotted stomach, your sunken eyes, 
You clinically note that your limb is dead and that it's poisoning the rest of you,
You mourn the limb and its years of servitude and its embittered death,
You pick up the glinting blade, bite down as hard as you can and slice right through, 

You survive

Flip-a-coin Love

Now we are one, I'm at peace yet not at peace, I'm miserable yet not at all, I'm bouyant yet I'm dragging my feet, I'm a believer yet I'm bullet-riddled with doubts, I'm both blessed and damned... I'm the ocean and the sky...What is love but a tousled paradox...? 

Shore to Shore

A hundred miles away from you and you're still here, 

Your voice is the original score of my mind's reel, 

I'm watching the tanned sun sink into the ocean bed,

My fingers trace our name as one, into the sand, again and again, 

I've told the ocean our secret, my love 

I watched her gather us to her ample chest, 

At every land she touches, every shore she kisses, in every drop she sweats, 

Our name will resound, again and again

The Fiend in the Night

Sinister shadows in the dark room, Shaped like empty palms,
Like lonesome waists, Like naked arms embracing nubilous night air,
These shadows, they find me, they find me, they find me...
I stay awake at night, soldier at attention, rifle drawn, eyes peeled,
I watch the clouds froth the starry-cauldron of the witching hours,
I lie in this bed of thorns, await the roseate silhouette of dawn, count the hours till morn,
I twiddle thumbs and bite nails through the sun's awakening epoch,
They will bring you to me, these rays, In day I will find you by my side again,
But I don't like these nights without you,
I am a child and the monster's under my bed, standing over my head,
It is filling me with an ensanguined, nauseating dread,
The night is no longer my friend,
Until I can be your lover again... 

No matter who you are, what you have seen,
If you are a lover and if your heart's beating to another's tune, 

I know two things about you, Lover 

You have found in yourself a dreamer 

You will find that time is your friend, never 

Wear down my veneer

I think all of us are always looking to be seen,

I think when we are drawn to someone,

We are so eager to be someone they see,

We don body paint that we think they can perceive, 

All the while hoping against hope, that they will call our bluff and wash off the paint, 

See us naked and love our mangled core,

So we can believe that we are invisible no more, 

Bodhi, my baby

'How do you know?' asked the angst-drenched, boy with the storm in his eyes and the petrichor-scented voice. 

And she with her purse full of painted bottles of regrets and custom-made masks, dropped her baggage into the abyss of yesterdays, her fingers meeting the curve of his face, intimately familiarly.

Her thirsty-mouth moved, 'I know, because there is peace in the crook of your neck, that sages traversed the earth to find, 

Because enveloped in your arms, I am a fledgling, emptied of fear, of doubt, of anger, of hurt, because when I see you I SEE you and I FIND me. 

Because, when you and I are US, you are not a storm and I am not a drought....'

Impasse

Creaking and groaning the ride goes round, 

Wobbling, shuddering, careening with doubt, 

I sit huddled at one end, you perch tensely at the other, 

We spin around, eyes sparring, held hostage and knowing no better,

Like shipwrecked smithereens sloppily washed to beach, 

We wait endlessly, dangling hopelessly in this stalemate,

Creaking and groaning, the ride goes around, 

Never shall we reach each other, till you, I and this ride run aground..

First Edition Lover

You are a rare, unread, unfathomed book of beauty paramount, hidden between earthen hard-binding,
I've found you now, in the dusty, mothballed, cobwebbed corner of the library of my life,
With you in my hands now, I am angsty and restless, fingers shake as I race to consume you wholly,

Then slowly, tracing lines like scintillating words carefully strung together to masterpiece, 

Each shining scar, a breathtaking twist of plot, every crease a masterful character,

I want to plunder into those eyes, the protagonist of this roller coaster ride,

I want paper cuts off your edges, want to dog ear the curves to revisit again and again, 

I want to arch in the pleasure of your erotic beckoning, spill myself on your paper, 

I want to lie with you in bed, inhaling the deep woody scent of you, tracing you lovingly,
I want to read between all your lines, leave charcoal scribbles on oft-handled corners,
I want to know all of you cover to cover, I want to know you differently each time I devour you, 

I want to never put you down, escape into you, make you my world, weep and laugh only with you,

I've picked you unbeknownst that you would become my pivotal guide to loving-dom,
You are the habit, you are the salve, you are the perspiration of dreams, you are the way and the means,
And each time I touch you, I will love you once more, even when you are yellowed and old,

I'll pass this love down to generations ahead, it will always be remembered.....
that in your words,
I lived

He said he loved everything about her,

Then he took a chisel and got to work...

A Pair of Pariahs

You are on me. the salt of your sweat, the nectar of your lips,
The shapes of your fingers, now blooming upon my hips,
The voice like embers warming up the cold-damp of my mind,
The dull echo of your flesh and your bones, draped over mine,
Like love letters hidden between old clothes, I unfold them once more,
I revisit your light though my dark, I find again my customized spark,
It isn't so much that I miss you, not so much that I need you,
not even the most unvarnished truth that I love you,
only that I am a storm, a blizzard, a hurricane on the horizon,
until I meet you again - and the fracas that unmade comes undone...

Sometimes

Sometimes, our love is gently leaning chest to chest, heartbeats nestled together, shallow breaths,
as my fingers trace out a new unit of human anatomy, a name for the spot where my head rests,
Sometimes, our love is sitting two feet apart, my legs crossed tight, yours wide open,
while our eyes make love, consuming each other hungrily, dry mouths bearing witness,
Sometimes, our love is raking landscapes, seeking a space to ensconce you between my thighs,
For a chance to plunder your mouth with mine, for a place to become your illicit bride,
Sometimes, our love is the thunderclouds in your chest, the storm in your throat,
when it's someone else taking me home, or drinking tea with me loveless-ly,
Sometimes, our love is waking up weeping, at the blinding beauty of a dream that is you,
not believing till we meet, that you exist, and if the air really vibrates between us,
Sometimes, our love is telling ourselves and each other that we belong together,
and then weeping inconsolably as we pretend to have lives with irreverent others
Sometimes, our love is the unperturbed silence of hours, constructing mazes of embraces,
other times, it's raucous dismantling of two lives' worth of secrets, vexations and lacerations
Sometimes, our love is the way I wish you had hurt me, so that I could be angry,
so that I could hate you just a little, so that your absence didn't mean that I forget how to breathe
Sometimes....

Double-helixed hearts

They ask me to break it up, to cut you off,

As if you were an errant thread, escaped from the weave of my sleeve,

They'll know when they see the broken ribs and the stitched up chest, 

What you are and always will be, to me....

Plan B

These moments of togetherness, 

We're on borrowed time,

Let's steal the sun love, 

hold on to this night forever....

Panoramic Rhapsody

That afternoon it started, as soon as the doors closed behind them,
Frantic they perspired, quite inspired, pushing fabric past the topography of two writhing bodies,
New in their togetherness, but intimately familiar, like fingers plucking at a harp only they play,
The sound of hunger, is as soft as that of satin tossed at a cold, tiled floor,
The taste of heaven, laced upon those supple lips, the bristly beard on the pink of a neck,
The raw sound of mounting ecstasy, spiraling shadows of a two-headed being,
The trance, the dance, the shivering, shuddering, the wildly pleasurable gyrating,
The open mouths, the urgent breathing, the flushed skin, fingernails tearing,
By night it began, as soon as the sun drowned in its own fire,
She lay by his side, un-beautifully reposing, frazzled hair, sweat-matted to her forehead,
Her face nestled against his chest, lips parted, supine breaths leaving the sloping breast,
Even as she jittery-ly flung out her limbs in her dreams, possessed she seems,
he held her close, as if she was his zoetic heart cradled in his arms,
And she said she was not the crying type, had never been.
Yeah, tell that to the blades of his shoulder where she grappled,
As terrified sobs rippled through her ribs, dreading their parting,
For fear of all the places inside that would break, if this ever ceased to be,
As the morning rubbed its eyes, stretched out and smiled, they both were changed,
Emblazoned minds, braided melancholy, engorged hearts, never to be separately whole again.

Fare thee well

These empty spaces, these lonely hours, these thirsty places in the darkened corners of my heart,
They make me want to leave I tell you, they make me want to shut these doors, damage control,
This place settles into me like the cigarette smoke, that so prettily did unfurl from the curve of your lips, now on me stale and nauseating,

I hate that I feel like this without you, like the bulging purple of veins of a neck that's being throttled,
I hate that I live to catch the fragments, like a junkie trying to purloin from a malevolent drug lord,
I hate that I feel like curling up and dying, because my senses are fading, eyes closing, heart slowing,

My heart feels wrinkled, like fingers that have soaked in water far too long, from leaking pain in a the colour of rain,
My fingers are trembling, like lips that have been crying for days and days, for they cannot reach out and touch you,
My lips are parched, like the cracked soles of my dust laden feet, for the lack of your desire-drenched mouth on mine,
My feet are swaying, like hair strands caught in the frigid winter wind, for they cannot carry my body over to yours,

And although I wonder if this love will be my undoing, I fear it will, I know it could, I trust it shall,
I cannot get off this train, I cannot break this ligature, I cannot shut this door... I will always lead you in,
look wide-eyed when your body meets my embrace, as your mouth whispers entreaties to mine,
as your electric soul ripples through my core, as your heart blankets the shuddering closets of mine,
So, here I am, here I will be, here shall I lie, debilitated, until once more you find me.

Gypsy Soul Sister

Wild child, life free..
Rise may you each day, meeting roads not paved but cobbled with tiles of adventure,
Find may you one who loves each curl on your head and every kink inside your mind,
Wide-eyed, may you live in wonder, hands in the air, tracing the lace of the clouds in the sky,
Smile may you, white teeth flashing, at the zaniness of every blip along the way,
Open may your heart be, ever the welcoming doors, to the love that is all around you,
Sashay may you, never hurried, especially when losing you way is means to finding yourself,
Tread may you lightly, wisps of footprints in your wake, never bleeding for the need to belong,
Dream may you with abandon, fearlessly and hopefully, weave them gently into a gilded future,
Ache may you for that which flavors your ardent mind, your fervid soul, yet never with futile despair,
Rage may you against the battle-wounds of love that has turned to war, never lay down your arms,
Meander may you through every new journey. breath baited and wings unfolding for fight,
Soar may you through open skies of boundless possibilities and countless exploits, unbridled by strife,
Wild child, live free.....
.... love hard, dream big, dance, sway to your own intoxicating drumbeat.....

Te amo mi amor

It's easy to say 'I love you', isn't it?
It's easy to let the moment play in your hair, like the wind, cool and comforting,
It's easy to gush and swell with magnanimity, in a single luxurious expulsion of breath,
It's easy to swish those words in your mouth, like a full-bodied wine, deep-red and heady,
........
How about what it's like to watch your face so closely, your heartbeat flutters inside of my wrist,
How about the pink tidal wave inside me, effervescent champagne-flush rising, at the briefest touch,
How about what it's like to hold on to the seconds with you as they slip like the moon into the morning,
How about the gutting hurt I can hear in the first syllable of your heavy footstep, out the door,
How about the time warp we slip into slipping into each other, the world dissolving like salt in water,
How about fingers and palms, bones and muscles, curves and edges match groove to groove, lock to key,
How about that voice of yours that trickles tenderly through my head, rain through drought-dried land,
How about the plundering torpedo through my heart, my entire viable universe in another's careless arms,
.........
How about that love? I hope you know, I know you know, 'I love you' just doesn't begin to cover it.....

Legends of Long Gone

I wonder what they would say about us, you and me, after our time, 

would they say we were friends? Would they deem us mere strangers?

would they assume us in between... two disconnected oars of a wretched boat?

Shall we leave a note love? Shall we leave the world this legacy of ours?

or....

Will the stars know how we traced our shared future into their glittering dust?

Will these barren streets testify our forbidden trysts, just beyond their corners?

Will this desolate bed resound to echo the rhythm of our frenzied dancing?

Will the dust motes carry word through sun beams, of the hurt in their width's distance?

Will the waters gush loquaciously, of feet, yours and mine, yours and mine, sinking into the sand?

Will the drawn curtains reminisce how my body was cocooned in yours, my tears on your cheek?

Will every second that kept us apart clash with every second that brought us together....

for the right to testify the fervor, the right to the aphorism of our oneness, the right to call us lovers?

Or...

will they think us friends, deem us strangers, or suspend us in between, oars thrown into the sea?

Trojan Heart

So here is the thing, This love is not a master plan, it is not disaster proof, nor has a panic room,
there are no fire escapes or convenient back doors,
This love is an absolute, or another word that means a definitive of definitives,
I didn't chart this course we set sail on, only to my compass you have always been the North Star,
I didn't look at the dog-eared, puckered map closely, only lines the years have etched on you playfully,
I didn't draw out the papers, bullet proofed, with the rules, the boundaries and the crafty loopholes,
I didn't mull over you and me, until I saw your brown wide-eyes in the depths of my first cup of tea,
I didn't consider the gravity of your existence, until the trees back home whispered your voice to me,
I didn't make too much of your touch, until the warm, summer-rain washed down the deepest-deep of me,
So no, this wasn't the plan, this wasn't the deftly calculated move,
all I know is this, there was an anarchy within me, passionately endorsed by every vital  atom,
And it overthrew the governance of any logic, giving countenance to the paroxysm-driven exultation that is YOU. 

Never say bye

It takes me back you know, to a faraway kitchen, in the village of fireflies and paddy fields,
Where the drunken old bard of a river, gurgles and tumbles, maniacal, beside the sober rubber trees, 

On an archaic wood fire, a spice-laden broth simmers, producing billows of charcoal smoke,

Flushed with the tongue-tingling essence of curry, ginger, dry roasted coconut,

Of garlic, cloves and cinnamon sticks, of shallots and of coriander-cumin mists, 

So dressed up, the smoke rises, cloaking her charred-wooden perspiration with flourish, 

Perched in the stalemate of the tiled roof, she spots the yellowed square of dusk-en glow,
Lighting up the browned abyss of the ceiling, the window glitteres, beckoning,
Unsuprisingly, the smoke meets only glass, withered hopes of passage into light, dissolve in silken threads,
Wisps of its former self, floating, thwarted and broken, into the deep beyond the cobwebbed door,
In that memory, I see the beauty of heartbreaking longing, of silent depair, of doggone tiredness,
the dried flower, the shadow of a vibrant life, tucked between crumbling pages,
the creaky boat, with the aching oars, that have no hope against the storm,
the wings of the butterfly, devastatingly wiped out by the rescuing fingers' touch,
the lonesome White owl, unheedingly hooting at the cloaked, elusive moon,
the old brass key, in a heavily lined hand, bereft hopes of meeting its only lock,
the hardy tear, that fought will and worth, to escape the melancholy of the eye,
The narcissistic candle, burning itself to a smouldering puddle, all for the flamboyant flame,
There is something to be said for the hopeless love, for love-drunk hope, for the marriage of both,
There's something to be said for the tenderils of scent, in the withered leather of a watch strap,
Of the yellowed pages of a children's book, slouching at their aged spine,
Of the washed out, bleached-blue, well-worn, threadbare of a slept-in shirt,

A hopeful nostril longingly wanders the surface of all that i have left of you,
Unwrapping, once more, the faint and fleeting frangance, of charred-wood smoke.

Inamorato

Sex? Yes I'm familiar with the concept,

But I've barely walked in the room and your fingers part, as though to make way for the skin they want to touch,

But oh, when we kissed we unraveled, unbecoming and becoming, like two rivers in the mouth of the ocean, 

But when we are just bodies stitched together with the thread of need, your eyes still sought mine, 

But we find each other, in crowds and in our private spaces, like roots seek beads of water hidden in stone,

But my mouth knows the lines of your body, all of them, lips mold to your shapes, the hard and the soft of you, 

But your tongue is laced with the heroin of me, like a true addict, taking hit after perilous hit, twirling in the Russian roulette,

But when we move together, we are lighting and thunder; electricity deliciously rippling through water,
But when you are in the depths of me, I surrender, the saffron-red evening sun diving into the open-armed horizon,
But in the music of our urgent whispers of our bodies, I've forgotten the name I've been known by, the number on my street stile,
But I know the auroral scar on the chest of your heart, the callouses on the soles of your feet and the bottom of your soul...through fear, toil and sleep,
But I, you, you and I, we are a symphony, we are melodies of smiles and simpers, whispers and moans, of thoughts and dreams, of hurts and bleeds, of life and life,
But  even when you have left, your love warms the sheets, even as my heart and hopes leave pinned to your shirtsleeves,
But in the ebbing of our pulse, we smile into the curves of each other, we are triumphant, we are ecstatic, we are bathed in sweet sweat and the noiseless sounds of each other's names,
So, no, this isn't sex, not as in just-sex sex, not as in making-love sex, not as in pick-me-up sex....
'US' is a collective noun....

A Song to the Stone

After all, who looks at the primitive rock closely? Who loves him deeply?

when flowers burst forth, dancing, swirling, a palette of provocative perfumes,

when the sprightly spring of nectar-sweet water, gurgles, gushes and merrily sways.

when the vixen sky, distracts with her changing hues, russet-gold to lilac-blue,

when the fruits are bountiful, luscious, juicy,succulent and inviting, is it fair to anyone else?

where the bountiful boughs sigh and moan, as the wind makes love to its emerald leaves,

where the songbird croons with notes of longing to the storm clouds voluptuous with rain, 

where the earth is supple, fertile and virtuous, and bursting forth with buds of life,

After all who looks at the rock, who for his part kept his stony silence,

He submits himself to the rain as she washes over him, eroding bits of him to her lover the earth,

He heroically stands the wind and the storm, to shelter the oblivious delicate of the rose bud's lips, 

He martyrs himself at the altar of the root, breaks down to feed the salt that sugars the fruit, 

But I love him, this rock, this aggregation of time and earth and all encompassing knowing,

I see in him,his nature to take the blistering cold or the callousing heat, 

I see in him all the muted colours he wears, testimony to the centuries cocooned within,

I see in him, how in saying nothing he has absorbed all the magic of the universe,

one thing though, how do you move a rock with just a heart?

The embezzlement of love

I'm a thief, for I steal, without remorse and out of greedy need,

I steal the darkened contours of gazes from your eyes,

I steal the upside down smiles from the corners of Your mystic mouth,

I steal irridiscent thoughts from the cobbled lanes of Your convoluted mind 

I rob the milling crowds of your prepossessing parlance,
I rob the fragrant wind of the chance graze against Your skin,
I rob the stars of your eloquent dreams of their shimmering beauty,
I pillage the rich scent of Your intoxicating sweat, off Your delicious neck,
I pillage the teardrop from Your eye, that elopes with the lines of my mouth,
I pillage the warm breath that You've left In the hollowed darkness of me,
I'm greedy, needy, hungry maybe, also wallowing, sailing, soaring easy,
You, who have no fear of my frightful, all consuming passion,
You who are of the sands of lands and beds of seas,
You who have the impeccable scars and tousled miseries,
I have nothing to give You, nothing to earn You, nothing at all in my heart to house You
I am a thief, and I steal, I rob and I pillage, Your heart, Your body and Your wonderful mind
Knowing, despairing and dreading all the while, You are not mine, never mine. 

Methods of self annihilaion

Of all my vices, the one I nurture, the one I hold to my breast,
the one I cling to in those lustrous hours of the night is this,
This inexorable gravitation to pain, to finger paintings on dusty windows that are tried by rain,
to open wounds, and obdurately calloused souls, to washed out dreams of wide-winged flight,
I wait at the shallow mouth of the throbbing ocean, I pick up what's washed ashore,
Indulge in the lip-biting, blood-sucking, pleasurable pain,
Of broken shards of withered bits, of malnourished smiles,
I lay them out in my lap, like once-proud flowers, ousted from branches,
I weave them together, as they rustle against my fingers, dried and lifeless,
They cut me, they split my skin, I'm sore, so sore
And when I'm done, I see the garland yet undone,
Dead petals in the wisps of my hair, between my teeth, staining my fingers,
So I stand again at the ocean's converging lips, collecting fragmented hopes,
Finding yet again seaweed and brittle bones.... Inexorably hopeful still

Pillow Talk

3 A.M. is a person...
for most part she is bone-crushingly tired,
of how the weary light keeps his distance,
her somnolent face is framed prettily,
by wisps of scintillant, buttermilk-y clouds,
Sometimes she is an oxymoron of tranquil loneliness,
dressed in moonless nights and vapid thoughts,
Yet, there are those rare nights she feels lascivious,
she is attired in mangled bed clothes,
and rich perfume of pleasure-driven sweat,
the music of the post-coital heart beats,
is interspersed with flushed-faced confessions,
He says he loves his noodles soupy,
She says she has lain in puddles of her own blood...
and silence...
See, that's the thing about 3 A.M,
she doesn't ever get to be happy.

Upchuck

So you tell me that my love is like the first rain in years,
to wash upon the thirsty sands of the desert,
It reminds me of the time I went without food for three days,
and then gorged my self on a rich, meaty meal on the fourth,
Instead of relishing the nutrition, within minutes i was doubled over, sick
So here I am, waiting to be thrown up.. from the innards of your desert. 

Meaningless songs of meaningful love

It is like breaking the surface of water, 

Coming up for AIR,

That your heart is still tender with love, 

it's so very rare,

I rave and i rant and i prattle on,

to hearten you with words of love,

But sometimes you think that its not me,

That it's just a well-rehearsed soliloquy.

Perception.... 

The night sky is beautiful, 
The seemingly zephyrous clouds seemingly caress the luminous moon, 
Against a velveteen, star-spangled sky, they seem to be suspended in a tender embrace 
But, the moon knows he has craters that time cannot heal, 
And, the cloud knows shes full of effete rain that shall not fall, 
And, they both know that there is a great distance between them, 
That neither can or shall traverse,
between them, they know that this is the way of the world...

The lil BIG love!

Ever since you first looked at me, Opened ur lovely big eyes, Your face pink and powdery, I knew it was the biggest love I'd have. When I held you in my arms against my chest, A small bundle soft and warm you were, You tried to focus on my face and then stared, I knew I'd never forget that love. When you reached out for me in ur sleep, And not finding you tearfully wake, The second I touch you, you are at peace I know that I'll never mean so much You learn to stand, holding on to things, You watch me working, across the room, And suddenly your wobbling smiling at me, I'm your magnet and I'll never feel so big. You are making a mess, throwing a fit, I scream n yell I'm almost losing it I watch ur tears n fill with shame, Uve forgiven me and hugged me so tight. I drive you to school, u hold me hand, The warmth ur little fingers lacing mine, When I leave you look back at me, smile, My eyes brim with tears n I say good bye. I love you my little one, love you so much, I love you little heart, you face and your smile, I love how you lisp and how u wrinkle ur nose, But most of all I love ur lil love so!!!!!

Lusting for you!

I watch you walk across the street, Ur long, strong legs bring you to me, Not too fast, in fact much too slow, And I can't wait for you to know, You stop but just not close enough, Ur eyes meet mine and hold me close, We hold still in the evening breeze, N now I'm almost down on my knees, We talk, we laugh, we eat,we drink, Make it seem like everyday things, U touch my waist,I hold your arm, The tingles from you make me warm, We part and I cannot say goodbye, Without looking you in the eye, Another touch to last me the night, A wistful look and look away, We meet again and we know we must, Come close together, drawn by lust, I try to inhale every scent of you, Before I do what really want to, I draw you close into my longing arms, Touch your face, your neck,your hair, You lower ur warm lips and onto mine, I'm drawn into you n not of my own, Your lips,my lips oh where's the line, Were bound together in this moment, Ur hips, my hips move in a rythem divine, May this night last forever and ever...

Starved!!

I remember you, the one that started it all, The one with the dark broody eyes, The one that mastered the stall, The lips that moved to some music, Mystically woven, unheard of before. I remember well, the attraction the spell, The gentle tug at my heart strings, The loathing in me n still I fell, Ur voice becomes the voice in my head, Wispering, linegring and ever so haunting. I remember the touch, the careless teasing, The excrutiating heat, the bronzed skin, The warmth of ur heart, only fleeting, Worries drowned out as soon as they bubble, Drowned out by the commotion in my chest. I remember, too clearly to sit still, The long sultry nights, the hot sweltering days, The twisting of limbs, the tousled bed things, It's something hypnotic,these thoughts in my head, N that's wht tells me I'm starved to death. Hah!

Stare at the mirror, set it afire,
the dark bile rises,
and you let someone else scream
tears flow down your insides,
your torn and burnt and continue to live

how i sometimes hate being me!!

wake up in the land of dreams,
in a bed of three as empty as me,
my modern condo 'hues' of white,
i live alone isnt it a perfect life
walk out on the matallic streets,
in my metallic car no one bothers me,
look at the beggar girl at the corner,
and think to myself "life's too fast to greet tough luck
so will you forgive me sister of mine?"

at work its satisfaction guranteed,
in my cubicle enveloped in steel,
clicking away at my lonely console
dont you think we're matched by whole?
think of the old man at the department store,
he calls me 'kid' so i give him a call,
order some groceries to be delivered home
and think to myself "lifes too fast to meet tough luck
so will you forgive me father of mine?

and then i dream of judgement day,
dont know why but anyway,
the lord asked me one thing alone,
"i gave youlife, i gave you love'
i gave you a world you could grow from,
you froze it, burnt it, cut it down,
biult your own world of stell n stone,
you loved no one, had no peace,
so i ask just one question answer please,
"do you forgive yourself daughter of mine?"

missin you

memories are so beautiful, fragile and colourful...
they soothe the hurt of the rugged roads..
but most of the time id just rather have you here
strength always came easy.. once upon a time
fought the world took it in my stride...
but dont ask be to be srtong about you,
tis something i can do naught,
and every street knows your name
evrywhere i go visions of us together
the concrete jungle and the streets of steel
they hold our life togther, cruel they remind me..
and memories they're beautiful, fragile and colourful
they try to soothe the wounds of this gruel,
but most of the time, let me be honest
yes most of the time it would be a blessing to have you here

dedicated to friends n loves that used to be....

sittin here by the lone window on the bare wall,
looking at all thats happened n happening still,
it hurts to see the truth, just this harshly put,
how fickle the human heart,
how fickle the human hearts dealings,
how we laughed, loved, hurt n cried,
how the intimacy grew like deadly vines,
n how now, strangers to ourselves we flee.......

hey there big man,
hope alls well in heaven,
give me a moment will u,
thers something you need to do,
come breathe with me,
come be fickle as only i can be,
come see what its like,
let me show you,
what it feels lik to be human.

hey you saint, let me show,
you the joys of sin,
feel the pain of being in love,
the joy of wanting to die for someone,
waiting for someone in the rain,
come see the way it burns to be,
green with envy,
see what it feels like,
to hold a child of your own,
come and be silly,
dance around on the street,
come be responsible,
for noone but you,
come let go,
come be proud of nothing,
see the thrill of fear,
how it chills to wal,
k around the dark corner,
laugh like its your way to survive,
cry like you bet the world and lost,
come let me give you an insight,
let me show you the ways of the human.

how long has it been now,
we wait here in the silent night,
the air still like its waiting too,
like us for the absolution we need,
why dont we break away love,
we can if we choose,
this life is ours and we can make it,
take my hand il show you our haven.

you fear the dark alleys,
you fear the strong wind,
in those deep brown eyes of yours,
these i see and know,
but we can choose to break away love,
n i can save you from the devil,
well get through the dark,
take my hand and il show you our haven.

its been a weary ride for both of us,
our feet blistered and souls are battered,
dont stop now though,
not when salvation is a door away,
we are going to break away from it love,
the end is near, the beginning nearer,
im not going anywhere without you now,
take my hand and il show you our haven....

tell me who you are,
all that has made you,
you know me now,
evry thought and dream,
so tell me god, where are you?

are you there, there in the sun?
when as it rises ans i cant see,
past the blaze, eyes burnin with tears
in this gold fringe, are you there?

or is that you, in that child?
he dimples at me, eyes twinkle,
holding out his little round hand,
in this perfection,are you there?

could it be you in the spring?
you move in the breeze all around me,
blanketed in colours that now spread,
in this fragrence, are you there?

might it be you in the moonshine?
letting me see only what i should,
the silent beauty of the velvety night,
in this peace, are you there?

and now i see you, all at once,
in the mirror on the broken wall,
in eyes that i see on my face,
the love, the joy, the hurt, the fear,
and yes in this faith, i see you, i feel you...
i know you are there.....

sitting across from you, far away..

the room, the world of distance,

looking at you, look at me,

your eyes glowing dark,

shining under the night lights,

your jaw drawn, mouth shut tight,

and how i wish to tell you..

on my skin i can stll feel you

in every breath, i cam still smell you,

in my mind there is but one thought,

in my heart there is just this one wish,

if i could just close my eyes..

how i wish i could tell you...

morning will come, come soon,

and when the first ray warms the sand,

with its gentle golden caresses,

i will be gone, to where i belong,

carried away by the yellow mist,

and how i wish to tell you...

you stand up and walk to me,

my heart stops, quickens, slows,

you lean close, bury your face in my hair,

i live in that embrace, lost for life,

tis done, your fleeting apology,

my hearts tears apart inside of me,

and how i wish to tell you...

every moment of pain of joy,

of relentless agonizing hatred and ecstacy,

ive lived this life for too long,

cant bear to look back at you now,

ive played these games lost and won,

and how i wish to tell you.....

im done

wil i ever forgive me, for looking in your eyes telling lies?
will i ever forgive myself for leaving the next morning?
will i ever forgive , myself for never saying a word?
will i ever forgive myslf for not telling you i love you...

will i ever know the reason why,it hurt so much to kiss you?
will i ever know the reason why, it burns me just to touch you?
will i ever know the reason why i ran away that adrk nighy?
will i ever know the reason why,i never can go back there...

will it ever happen now, the healing of these deep wounds?
will it ever happen now, that i will understand our dark sins?
will it ever happen now, that you will look back at me?
will it ever happen now, all the things of you im wantin...????

into the ocean i walked,
the sun sets & the light fades,
im bathed in the red gold satin,
in me were u born god,
or was i born in you?
this love that surrounds u and me,
does it end and does it begin?
we live in each other, blessed for eternity...

got a tattoo done....its simply amazin will post a snap soon.... if ur intrseted in gettin one done...ths is the best place....
http://tattooschennai.com/tattooschennai/index.html

Of days and years, of dreams untold,
Of hearts that broke theirs and my own,
Of wars that were waged, vengeance sought,
Nothing gained from both,
Of bonds that formed and those that broke,
Of paths trodden and regret that followed,
Of hatred born and laid to rest,
Of tears shed and all those dried,
Of apologies and thanks some left unsaid,
Of forbidden fruit and those labour borne,
Of wonders these eyes behold,
Of numerous sunrises and sunsets,
Of falling over and rising from there,
Of laughter and light, sadness and fright,
Of songs known by heart forgotten with time,
Of gained knowledge sublime,
Of victories with losses and defeats with gain,
Of fear that gripped and caused much pain,
Of daring of spirit that did much the same,
Of illusions of a haven somewhere,
Caressed with tenderness everyday,
Of perforce that changed the best laid plans,
Of rhymes of the chaos in my heart,
Of these is the symphony being written still,
Then the next journey begins and when it will,
It will be given my heart and soul,
Until the journey ends…. story whole..