wake up in the land of dreams,
in a bed of three as empty as me,
my modern condo 'hues' of white,
i live alone isnt it a perfect life
walk out on the matallic streets,
in my metallic car no one bothers me,
look at the beggar girl at the corner,
and think to myself "life's too fast to greet tough luck
so will you forgive me sister of mine?"

at work its satisfaction guranteed,
in my cubicle enveloped in steel,
clicking away at my lonely console
dont you think we're matched by whole?
think of the old man at the department store,
he calls me 'kid' so i give him a call,
order some groceries to be delivered home
and think to myself "lifes too fast to meet tough luck
so will you forgive me father of mine?

and then i dream of judgement day,
dont know why but anyway,
the lord asked me one thing alone,
"i gave youlife, i gave you love'
i gave you a world you could grow from,
you froze it, burnt it, cut it down,
biult your own world of stell n stone,
you loved no one, had no peace,
so i ask just one question answer please,
"do you forgive yourself daughter of mine?"

missin you

memories are so beautiful, fragile and colourful...
they soothe the hurt of the rugged roads..
but most of the time id just rather have you here
strength always came easy.. once upon a time
fought the world took it in my stride...
but dont ask be to be srtong about you,
tis something i can do naught,
and every street knows your name
evrywhere i go visions of us together
the concrete jungle and the streets of steel
they hold our life togther, cruel they remind me..
and memories they're beautiful, fragile and colourful
they try to soothe the wounds of this gruel,
but most of the time, let me be honest
yes most of the time it would be a blessing to have you here

dedicated to friends n loves that used to be....

sittin here by the lone window on the bare wall,
looking at all thats happened n happening still,
it hurts to see the truth, just this harshly put,
how fickle the human heart,
how fickle the human hearts dealings,
how we laughed, loved, hurt n cried,
how the intimacy grew like deadly vines,
n how now, strangers to ourselves we flee.......

hey there big man,
hope alls well in heaven,
give me a moment will u,
thers something you need to do,
come breathe with me,
come be fickle as only i can be,
come see what its like,
let me show you,
what it feels lik to be human.

hey you saint, let me show,
you the joys of sin,
feel the pain of being in love,
the joy of wanting to die for someone,
waiting for someone in the rain,
come see the way it burns to be,
green with envy,
see what it feels like,
to hold a child of your own,
come and be silly,
dance around on the street,
come be responsible,
for noone but you,
come let go,
come be proud of nothing,
see the thrill of fear,
how it chills to wal,
k around the dark corner,
laugh like its your way to survive,
cry like you bet the world and lost,
come let me give you an insight,
let me show you the ways of the human.

how long has it been now,
we wait here in the silent night,
the air still like its waiting too,
like us for the absolution we need,
why dont we break away love,
we can if we choose,
this life is ours and we can make it,
take my hand il show you our haven.

you fear the dark alleys,
you fear the strong wind,
in those deep brown eyes of yours,
these i see and know,
but we can choose to break away love,
n i can save you from the devil,
well get through the dark,
take my hand and il show you our haven.

its been a weary ride for both of us,
our feet blistered and souls are battered,
dont stop now though,
not when salvation is a door away,
we are going to break away from it love,
the end is near, the beginning nearer,
im not going anywhere without you now,
take my hand and il show you our haven....

tell me who you are,
all that has made you,
you know me now,
evry thought and dream,
so tell me god, where are you?

are you there, there in the sun?
when as it rises ans i cant see,
past the blaze, eyes burnin with tears
in this gold fringe, are you there?

or is that you, in that child?
he dimples at me, eyes twinkle,
holding out his little round hand,
in this perfection,are you there?

could it be you in the spring?
you move in the breeze all around me,
blanketed in colours that now spread,
in this fragrence, are you there?

might it be you in the moonshine?
letting me see only what i should,
the silent beauty of the velvety night,
in this peace, are you there?

and now i see you, all at once,
in the mirror on the broken wall,
in eyes that i see on my face,
the love, the joy, the hurt, the fear,
and yes in this faith, i see you, i feel you...
i know you are there.....

sitting across from you, far away..

the room, the world of distance,

looking at you, look at me,

your eyes glowing dark,

shining under the night lights,

your jaw drawn, mouth shut tight,

and how i wish to tell you..

on my skin i can stll feel you

in every breath, i cam still smell you,

in my mind there is but one thought,

in my heart there is just this one wish,

if i could just close my eyes..

how i wish i could tell you...

morning will come, come soon,

and when the first ray warms the sand,

with its gentle golden caresses,

i will be gone, to where i belong,

carried away by the yellow mist,

and how i wish to tell you...

you stand up and walk to me,

my heart stops, quickens, slows,

you lean close, bury your face in my hair,

i live in that embrace, lost for life,

tis done, your fleeting apology,

my hearts tears apart inside of me,

and how i wish to tell you...

every moment of pain of joy,

of relentless agonizing hatred and ecstacy,

ive lived this life for too long,

cant bear to look back at you now,

ive played these games lost and won,

and how i wish to tell you.....

im done

wil i ever forgive me, for looking in your eyes telling lies?
will i ever forgive myself for leaving the next morning?
will i ever forgive , myself for never saying a word?
will i ever forgive myslf for not telling you i love you...

will i ever know the reason why,it hurt so much to kiss you?
will i ever know the reason why, it burns me just to touch you?
will i ever know the reason why i ran away that adrk nighy?
will i ever know the reason why,i never can go back there...

will it ever happen now, the healing of these deep wounds?
will it ever happen now, that i will understand our dark sins?
will it ever happen now, that you will look back at me?
will it ever happen now, all the things of you im wantin...????

into the ocean i walked,
the sun sets & the light fades,
im bathed in the red gold satin,
in me were u born god,
or was i born in you?
this love that surrounds u and me,
does it end and does it begin?
we live in each other, blessed for eternity...

got a tattoo done....its simply amazin will post a snap soon.... if ur intrseted in gettin one done...ths is the best place....
http://tattooschennai.com/tattooschennai/index.html

Of days and years, of dreams untold,
Of hearts that broke theirs and my own,
Of wars that were waged, vengeance sought,
Nothing gained from both,
Of bonds that formed and those that broke,
Of paths trodden and regret that followed,
Of hatred born and laid to rest,
Of tears shed and all those dried,
Of apologies and thanks some left unsaid,
Of forbidden fruit and those labour borne,
Of wonders these eyes behold,
Of numerous sunrises and sunsets,
Of falling over and rising from there,
Of laughter and light, sadness and fright,
Of songs known by heart forgotten with time,
Of gained knowledge sublime,
Of victories with losses and defeats with gain,
Of fear that gripped and caused much pain,
Of daring of spirit that did much the same,
Of illusions of a haven somewhere,
Caressed with tenderness everyday,
Of perforce that changed the best laid plans,
Of rhymes of the chaos in my heart,
Of these is the symphony being written still,
Then the next journey begins and when it will,
It will be given my heart and soul,
Until the journey ends…. story whole..

forbidden fruit

your skins bathed in the moons light
dark velvet it seems, personifyin my sins,
you hold your mouth open,
and my thoughts are trickling away,
fast as water through my fingers,
you smile and its a rush,
you lick your lips and mine bleed dry
why oh why have you got me so high,
i forget the world and who i am,
why oh why?

this isnt love, will never be,
but this thirst for you has got me beggin,
for one kiss just one touch,
its killin you and its killin me,
i see your fire it only kindles mine,
why oh why have you got me so high?
the only way down will ruin me heart n soul,
why oh why?

from where i stand just inches away,
i smell your scent, can do that from miles away,
i clasp my hands for fear that,
they might slip and give our sins away,
and what is hell, i should fear,
after this feeling of tearin away,
why oh why have you got me so high,
to breathe i need your breath in me,
why oh why?

our fingers touch, in the briefest of ways,
i feel the passion emanate,
the strangers look and fail to see,
all of whats consumin you and me,
and then theyre gone, the urgency in me,
when you come close and kiss me,
your lips, my lips, its all the same,
now we forget the world around,
why oh why am i so fuckin high,
on this mortal suicide??
why oh why?

the nights are dark, so very dark,
its givin me company,
its hidin all my tears from you,
its breeze is liftin me,
but if the light comes shinin through,
would you look at me, see my eyes,
they mist now, the life's ebbin out,
if i tell you that i hurt, would you lend a ear
if my heart was bleedin dry would you mend the tear?

im a loner been that way,
its not your fault i kno,
and when iv fought the world,
thers not much else to do,
but if my arms start to fail,
would you lend a hand?
and when my knees go weak tonight,
dont leave me in the sand

tonight im lost, tonight alone,
tonight im raw with pain,
tonight i need you here with me,
a shelter in the rain...

HIS little angel

With god there was his land,
in his land he had his angels,
of these angels there was child,
beautiful as a poets dream,
fair as gods pearly clouds,
pure as only a child can be,
delighted was heaven with her,
and gods favourite child became she,
she pittered and pattered and danced,
she ran all about her and merrily she pranced,
but one day came, she wandered, far, alone,
she decided to chance a look at earth down below,
but looking down did the little angel see,
nothing but hate, pain and misery,
of god she was and to god she went,
Father she asked..’why are the men in such pain?’
God looked upon his fairest child,
And said, ‘its what they themselves to bind’,
‘that cant be so’, said the blue eyed girl,
your touch I’m sure will make them whole again,
HE lifted the innocent to his knees,
said ‘I gave man happiness, love for keeps,
he forgot how to use them and created his own,
world of destruction and has greed’s seeds sown’
‘but someone must save them!’ the little girl cried,
God put her in bed and said ‘child how I TRIED!!’
The little girl slept not at all, and when at days call,
She was sent for by God, she was not to be found,
For the fair child of God,
came down upon His lands,
to try and change this fate of man’s,
the men, they saw her, the image of God,
they looked upon her with fear and with awe,
she smiled upon them. And reached out to them,
she touched them, cleared their minds of all doubt,
she fed the hungry, healed those in pain,
and spread god light about her,
then chased the dark away,
they worshipped her and praised her,
and they called her word God,
and for some time,
yes for that some time, there was atmost peace,
but in due course, the dark clouds returned,
the greed that consumed the world of men,
came back to work with vengeance,
the men started to argue,
to own her did they want,
the desire for power taking control,
they created a council, to decide upon,
whose the angel was to be so forth,
words got harsher and harsher with time,
and soon a war among them was declared,
the angel now horrified rose to speak,
and among the angry men, to make peace,
they looked now upon her, once god they saw in her,
but that day she became the forbidden fruit,
they took her prisoner and bound her to a tree,
she she begged them and pleaded to be set free,
the war was roaring around her,
blood splattering around,
homes set on fire, within and without,
in this did gloom find her,
alone and tear stained ,
it claimed her and ate her,
she dint utter a sound,
the crops she had planted, the wealth she had spread,
all she had done, to dust all that went,
she thought of the words of her father the lord,
the truth now before her, naked to behold,
and then the war was over, the cruel had won,
they came back to get her, to claim their prize,
hungry and wounded, they called out in a trice,
they asked her to reach out hand touch them,
to heal them and feed them,
but though the fingers reached out,
nothing came out from within,
for they felt not, like she did,
her life n soul ebbing,
they could not see her pain,
so lost we they in theirs,
they flew into a terrible rage,
and dragged her by her hair,
they clawed at her fair skin,
and tore at her gold robes,
in hopes they could somehow,
make riches of those,
then, when all was gone,
but the look in her eyes,
they bit at her lips and bled her dry,
and in her last moments,
her tears mixed her blood,
she cried for her Father in heaven above,
she cried for the mankind with no hope,
she cried for the heaven that all of them lost,
and as the last breath, left her tiny lungs,
the Father watching above her, let lose a flood,
days he cried..oh countless days,
and when the tears were over,
he asked, ‘what went wrong?’
he found the answer, soon as one can,
it was in his idle moments,
he created a monster called man..

welll......pink n hvain a blast....!!!! alok n annu!!!! wheeee

my father....
He sits by the window. Unseeing eyes fixed at the distant orange horizon, at a sun that sets, bidding its farewell to the land, majestically making his exit. Had his eyes been able to watch the beautiful sight, he might have felt a kinship of sorts to the sun. He does not see though. He doesn’t even know that it’s evening already. I look at him, sitting impassive in the enormous, plush, leather sofa. He looks so old and frail I think, lost amidst the chair’s vast cushions. His arms draped lifelessly over the arms of the giant throne. He looks like a child sitting in his father’s armchair. In his mind too he has become a child… incoherent thoughts and lovely unreal dreams… horrendous torturous nightmares, amidst which he cries for comfort. But he is not a child…. I am his. He has not realized how long I have been standing at the doorstep, watching him. I reluctantly give up my minds wanderings, to walk into his room, treading gently on the carpet floor, so as to not have his thoughts interrupted. He stirs, for all my caution, looking my way. How does he always know? They say, when your eyes give up at an early age, you’re other senses take over to bridge the gap. Considering how old he was when he lost the use of his eyes, I’d say that it was not the case with him. In his case, I think it is more the fact that when you love someone as much as he does me, you don’t need any bodily senses to feel the person. Yes, my father loves me. As soon as I think this I think of all the times the word ‘love’ is used by many an unworthy tongue, wagging sometimes in deceit, sometimes lost in confusion, fear or simply helplessness. And I reproach myself for not finding a better word, for my father’s sake. No, my father didn’t love me. When you give someone every thought of yours from dusk to dawn, when every breath labors for a smile to be preserved on someone’s lips, when you would gladly take the roof off every child in the world to shelter someone from a light drizzle, when you would like to admonish the sun for biting at the beloved’s skin….how can that just be love…four letters, a bitter injustice. My father has given me so much of himself I don’t think he could ever just be himself again…what with all his emotional faculties in my possession. His eyes stare blankly at me and for a minute, he looks right into my eyes. I try to make myself believe that he can see me. Then he throws his arm out towards me… (in my general direction so to speak). And once again I see him as a child throwing his hand out for his mother. I stretch forward and grasp the bony, long fingers, thrust my way. A trace of a smile dances on his dried lips. That’s the most his facial muscles can manage these days. He holds on to my hand and for all his frail appearance,I feel his strength streaming out of his palm, into my body. No papa, they couldn’t beat you down…and something else rushes into my body…pride. I sit down beside him. At his feet. I take his hand to my lips and kiss them gently for fear that I might wither them. He places his free hand, with much effort, on my head and then, he sighs. The sigh of a man who after long, treacherous journeys has found El Dorado. We sit that way father and daughter. Joint by the hands and by half a lifetime of memories together. I lay my head down on his knees…just like I did when I was a young girl and had every day his presence living in the home he had built now. Just like it is now, isn’t it papa? Now you live in a home I have built. Only roles have reversed haven’t they? ‘No’…… I answer the question myself. I can never give him what he gave me. He is my father…my parent…how can I even dream of being him? His fingers play with my hair. And lying there by his side his arms holding me, however frail the hold may be….I feet blessed. I close my eyes and allow my mind to travel…. That is when I awaken, to find the remnants of my dreams in my head, swirling about in a misty whirl. I lie in bed still, much awake, but lost in the thoughts that plague me. The thought that the arms that now hold me tight and rest my fears, will some day, be weak and limp, fill me with a sadness unlike any other. It is but inevitable but that is a fact that I run away from. Memories flood my mind. I lose myself in thoughts of the man I love most…………I hear laughter and see us playing ‘house’. My little sister, barely old enough to walk, sits at the porch watching us… enchanted. We laugh….papa has to really squeeze to fit in the play house. Gigantic as the house is for us, man as big as papa, would surely have to curl into a ball to fit, and it sure was fun to watch him try. Papa always seemed such a big man…he was always tall but had a small slender frame of a dancer or an ice skater, which he probably could have been, had he known the first thing about grace. But my father WAS big. He was big in the heart. No one ever heard him say a cruel word to any man, woman or child. When a scolding was well deserved and necessary, it would be administered with much regret. He was a big man, because of the way he loved any living thing that came his way…..and loved with such abandon, that you’d swear that his life had held no disappointments. That, was far from the truth…about as far, as the new galaxy they have just discovered (that I never remember the name of). That is what made my father big. He had been cheated, but he would not give up on trusting, he had been hurt, but would not give up on caring, he had been disappointed, but would not give up on hoping, he had been miserable, but would not give up on happiness, he had lived a thousand deaths, and still would not give up his zest for life. He was full of vitality and some well chosen wisecracks, in his sickest of days. At times I would think, that perhaps it was a daughter’s adoration for her father that made me feel this way. Now much later, illusions have lost their charm, and dreams have either been realised or withered to nothings….even now I see him the same. The most beautiful man, I have had the honor of knowing. That I am the offspring of such a man is only a gift that I have been granted, perhaps for some greatly selfless deed performed in a previous lifetime (for, I certainly have not done any in this one).I think of bedtime as a child. My tired father, would lie beside me, waiting for slumber to claim my thoughts and attention (and that would take very long indeed). Just to know he is near, I’d hold on to a lock of his hair and twist it round and round my fingers and close my eyes. I’d ask silly questions and he would answer, no matter how exhausted he was. His voice would fill my ears those quiet nights. I’ve often associated that voice with god…perhaps for the comfort I found in it. One night I asked him, ‘if I want something will I have it?’. He said ‘if u ask for the moon, I will look up at it and know that it is impossible to get it….but I still would go there and give it my best shot’. I smiled and fell off to sleep, in less than a minute. It was not a dialogue meant to be presented dramatically, with a charming flourish. It was a commitment. Till date, there is not a doubt in my mind, that had I, in reality made a wish of that magnitude, he would have turned the world upside down to grant it. Every whim and fancy was entertained, when it was mine. Yes, indeed I was a spoilt favorite.I was faultless and perfect, dare anyone suggest otherwise. He saw no evil in me and for him, I wanted to be perfect (that I could never be is quite a different thing). In retrospect, I doubt if he ever really knew me. He did not care to discover either, he loved me with all he had and there was nothing more to it, than that. Perhaps the only suffering his love caused was born of the fact, that he would not stand my love being bestowed upon anyone else, but him. There were many, who bore the brunt as with my grandma, who in trying to spend the last days of her life with her first grandchild, got told off for not unedrstanding that a child’s place is with it’s parents. In due course of time, as my acquaintances grew in number, so did his impatience with them. To be honest, I loved every minute of it.In later teenage years, he like every other parent, had to deal with the inevitable accessories of adolescence. I’d say, he did a marvelous job at it. There were rifts and disagreements. I’d be out late and he would call and holler on the telephone. Then, I would be home and a second after my face appeared at the door, all anger would be forgotten and joy would light up his face and heart. His precious baggage was home, and all was well with the world. I never did understand how he managed to be like this… I never will figure it out….as I see it, I don’t have to. I just need to cherish him each moment that he is by my side. I will love him forever…and my children will hear stories of him…ever so slightly exaggerated. Perhaps they will tell their children about their great-grandfather….perhaps. But after that….somewhere along the road, the memories will be washed away by the waves of time. And then the greatness of this one man, will truly be lost… tragic as it may be, it is how life is and shall always be. I won’t be alive then, I would not wish to be. As long as I live, I shall carry this man in my heart, for he got there before anyone else. I will watch him and cherish the peace, that the looking bestows upon me. Inevitably, one day he will leave me and move to the heavenly abode (I have no doubt that he will go there)…. I will not hold him back, for then he shall truly be free and as long as I live, I will celebrate his existence through every breath I take, until I too, like all else, will return to dust…

Sometimes it happens…. My head feels full of thoughts…like mists swirling restlessly trying to find a contour..a shape, a form of some kind. These thoughts well they just are NOT thoughts of the day’s activities, or of the people that I know, or of things I enjoy…they are thoughts of ‘why’s?’ and ‘how’s’… sometimes it feels like this whole place is strange…the world around me, the people that walk to and fro..Seemingly without purpose. Sometimes I wake up in the morning to visit the bathroom and wash my face.
When I look into the mirror, I cant seem to identify whom I’m looking at. The eyes I recognize, staring back at me...wide and confused…sometimes smiling, almost impishly as though sensing the confusion of the mind…it seems sometimes that those eyes are the only thing true of me…me body becoming the well designed prison for those brown eyes beholding the spirit….my emotions flashing in them like a turquoise shell reflecting sometimes the blue of the sky, the murky darkness of the ocean depths some other times and then seeming to be a field green that stands between the two… and then I realize that when my own reflection seems a mere stranger…how am I to understand the WORLD?? And then some tell me ‘I love you and understand you perfectly.
I know you like I do the back of my hand’…..do you know the back of your hand?? In reality..?? do you know how many lines run across… do you know how many creases distort the back of your hand… you don’t know me either….i don’t know me how would you… It is indeed too much to expect of myself let alone of any other mere human…then if I don’t understand and you don’t then who does?? What makes me think the way I do…feel the way I do… love and hate and forgive and fondle…..what makes me make the decisions that I make…what is this thing I call ‘will’… I need answers because the explanations that science gives me are not enough and I cannot conjure up explanations to satisfy myself… sure then you’d say ‘you want to know what is the ultimate explanation…then here you go…heard of GOD kiddo???’ well here’s the thing how does god work??? Does he rule over every emotion of mine? Every rush I have…every time a song I like makes me breathless…and my feet start moving to their will….every time I get mad at something the way my blood boils….the way I shake with the wrath that plagues every cell in my body…I mean there is something that is bigger than science there…..what is that something??? What makes all these feelings so strong they break me shake me and force me to sit up and take notice??? If this is all science how would you describe the feeling of being held close by someone whom you love beyond all else…what makes you jealous when the object of your affections is busy elsewhere?? I cant feel no science in all that….
In every action of mine there is an absence of logic. In each one of us…let me take the example of math to explain what I’m tryin to say.. for a logical problem and Boolean algebra…there is but one logical answer just one…one that is perfect in all aspects… in us humans too… if there were to be perfection in the true meaning of the word.. there would be just one mould to make us…we’d be clones of each other rather than individuals… that’s the point, that it is but our imperfections that make us unique….the crook of the nose being too high too low, the eyes being set far apart or perhaps too close together… its separates us from each other… If I’m this, in this moment that’s perfectly the way its supposed to be and thus in this imperfection I am the most perfect being that has ever been…. And so when someone tells me that I’m good, bad, beautiful, ugly, cruel or kind… it is not any of those for in truth I am just me… no judgments to be passed… the rest is just the perception….
And thus it comes to the fact that there is no good or bad…. Because to each his own… and my good is ur bad n vice versa… so its just what our minds create that make our minds… we paint our own pictures for ourselves and thus our own worlds and in this world we create our own chaos…. we make our own complexities and then challenge ourselves for a solution and with each successive victory our strengths increase and we grow… this in agreement with the most basic laws of evolution…. With each hurdle we pass, we grow stronger….whatever this journey may be….whatever its purpose. we are here and we shall be till we figure out what to do with this gift..or curse….its perspective isn’t it??

When I walk away,
don’t stop me…
Don’t ask me why…………….

I know what you are thinking,
I know you doubt my love
But don’t…it sure as hell is pure as gold
And there ‘re reasons you wouldn’t know of

I know im not with you,
by your side,I know you think of how my legs
don’t move fast enough to meet you
but I have chosen to keep that pace

I know that I have kept stony silent
I know you think ive ugly things to say
And forcing me to say words
Will only seal my lips further shut

I know that when you cry to me,
I don’t shower you with sympathies
For if I were to pity you, feel sorry
it would be far from love that id be feeling…

I know that when I walk away,…..
yeaWhen I walk away…..
you wonder whyAnd try to stop me and hold me back
Don’t….let me go….watch me walk..
Into he dark horizon far away
And as I disappear into the unseen…
Lo behold!! The sun rises there…….

FARADH SHAHNAWAZ !!!!

my sister is TOTALLY into this guy like nobody's business....its gettin crazy...


















so im puttin this out ther...ayone who knows this guy get in touch with me asap...ill be ur worthy servant till whenever!!!!!!!!

thts my sister in the white top....with her creation, her friends with theirs....