Gaslight-lit

I am outside the door again, knocking... begging to be let in,
Belatedly I bite my tongue, 'Why did I have to say that?'
Detachment is a thing of rigrourous practise,
I held the magnifying lens of my love to that one soul,
That which is brittle and dry and combustible, this was all meant to burn,

Once upon a life my drawbridges were drawn, my moat was a cauldron bubbling machine steam,
Point is there was a line, point is I knew how to protect myself,
Point is I was not vulnerable, point is I was the queen of my shoddy castle of lichen,

Why did you coerce me to unfurl, why did you dig pitchforks and spades where you had no business?
Why did you make me believe that anything meant squat? You didn't need to, I had given you everything,
Maybe it's like a slasher movie, one that's embarrassingly bad - but you have to know how it ends, right?

Now you have mowed down all my walls, and I'm crying but you won't take my call,
'Episodes' you say after you've sunk your dagger to the hilt within my flesh,
Twist it again and tell me you love me, once again and tell me you'd do anything,
Tell me that I am crazy, tell me I am insane, tell me that it is grotesque,

I didn't think that you were the hurtful kind, so tell me what is my crime,
I am doing time, standing outside the door again...begging to be let in 

I need to get on a mission to reinvent myself

Honesty - a bunch of dusty curios on a shelf

This heart of mine is a dreamer, a sentimental fool

That's a messy combination - as is now plenty clear to you

I'd thought that you had seen it, chosen me all the same

But that heart got it all twisted, and now I've come off as lame

I am here - always grateful and always sorry

There's not much else left to say

That I love you more than ever

Won't make the lameness go away

I'd cut off that thick, pulsating vein 

if  only I didn't have dues to pay
For me it's far from over, I will love you

Day after day after day after day