When I walk away,
don’t stop me…
Don’t ask me why…………….

I know what you are thinking,
I know you doubt my love
But don’t…it sure as hell is pure as gold
And there ‘re reasons you wouldn’t know of

I know im not with you,
by your side,I know you think of how my legs
don’t move fast enough to meet you
but I have chosen to keep that pace

I know that I have kept stony silent
I know you think ive ugly things to say
And forcing me to say words
Will only seal my lips further shut

I know that when you cry to me,
I don’t shower you with sympathies
For if I were to pity you, feel sorry
it would be far from love that id be feeling…

I know that when I walk away,…..
yeaWhen I walk away…..
you wonder whyAnd try to stop me and hold me back
Don’t….let me go….watch me walk..
Into he dark horizon far away
And as I disappear into the unseen…
Lo behold!! The sun rises there…….

FARADH SHAHNAWAZ !!!!

my sister is TOTALLY into this guy like nobody's business....its gettin crazy...


















so im puttin this out ther...ayone who knows this guy get in touch with me asap...ill be ur worthy servant till whenever!!!!!!!!

thts my sister in the white top....with her creation, her friends with theirs....

this is a creation of my sis's made purely outta hangers n cellophane papers..... ooohhhhh...muuuuuaaaaaaahhh baby.....

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

there was a little girl once,
scared of them monsters she was,
night after night they'd awaken under her bed,
taunt and tease n wait for her,
to run to answer nature's call,
the fear was paralyzing it was,
and long she'd sit thinkin,
the two feet to the bathroom,
impossibly long in the dark,
shadows alive and dancing,

so thought the little girl,
when death is at the doorstep,
there might not be any fighting it,
might as well have an empty bladder at least,
and off the bed she hopped..........

there was a little girl once,
scared of them monsters was she,
and those crappy mosters...they cant touch her.....!!!

this was the first ever creation of my sister's..... the theme was rage......cool na??

with alok....

cest moi........

lonliness...

loneliness has sung to me so many times
but time has gone by and by
its getting harder, tougher, colder
to stand and listen to its rhymes

loneliness has claimed me so much now
i'm so lost, confused, and afraid
a little child, i am i in this mist
just cant see where i can go

loneliness has so much been at me
warding away all warmth and love
all light and joy and hopes and dreams
except the bad ones, they're still here

loneliness here is all i have
me, myslef and my soul
without this loneliness i no longer feel
safe secure or even at peace
loneliness you loneliness
today its u..only uu are all i have today

do you remember??

when u luk deep into my eyes..
do you remember?
do you remember how i cried
all those unshed tears
how they betrayed the pain i felt
and how you knew and i knew
that there was sure to b more of it

when your gaze strays to my lips
do you remember?
do you remember how i smiled and laughed
when all inside was shattered to bits
how you kissed them, tenderly, soft and passionately
and how those lips you made tremble
with knowledge that it was'nt meant to be

when you hear my voice in your head
do you remember?
do you remember the many words i said
incoherently trying to say how i felt
how that voice you made a vessel
of anger, joy, agony, bliss
a thing only u could have done

when you see me walk to you
do you remember?
do you remember how i held my head high
and walked along a thousand times
when all those legs could really do
was crumble under the weight of shame
and alone i always walked that way

when you stop and take a look at me
do you remember?
do you remember under that cheery fascade
there lies a broken heart unmended
that in every breath that i take
i sing the song of my lost love and life
that there's only your memory hereunder
do you ever remember?

COOL??? ahem...

this word cool...what does it mean..?? sure...in terms of temperature it tends towards the cold..
.....but more comfortable than that...my generation though (including me) use this word extensively for many a purpose, (no offence fellow youngsters). but im confused..sumwher down the road i think we lost track so much so that i really cant think of any parameters to define this 'cool'.......
but anyway here r the top 8 thins that i think r definitely NOT cool......
1) hair coloured brown : indian ladies listen up...get real wat ur born with suits u best. brown hair makes u luk lik...4O!!!
2)boozing urslf sensless: i kno the bliss of complete imhoherence...its ok...but wat about wakin up with puke all over u, dressed in nuthin but ur bare essentials...(ur not even sure they are urs..), in a room tht is most definitely not urs...with a person who luks lik the godfather of all the hells angels...
3)doping: do i even need to xplain dis one?one way ticket to hell and the most painful ride there..
4)smokin: cough..cough..splutter..cough..splutter splutter.....ahem i was sayin....
5)guys and long hair: dudes...take my word fo it..unless ur a stereotype of brad pitt or creed or the lead singers of metallica or nickelback....or even john abraham(wat am i sayin even john!!)... long hair is not cool !!
6) 'fancy' pants: for people who r confused about this...jeans have been pulled up from work pants...high in comfort low on style..they epitomise casual....save us the emroidry, sequins, and all that dressy affair...wer not lukin fo denims to b evenin gowns...
7)wearing shades in dark places: now this is one thin that i just DO NOT UNDERSTAND....shades as the name suggests, r meant to shade ur eyes frm the glare of the sun..wearin them cool thins in clubs n discs n trippin all ova the pretty ladies feet only makes u luk blind people...
8)guys givin the finger in snaps: look wer all really glad that ur not impaired, that is to say that we dont need u to point out one finger..wat r u tryin to prove???? u achieve nothin much more than exhibitin the IQ of a centipede!!! congrats people ur no 8!!

god???? hmmm.....

there is this one question that strikes many of us at varied stages of our journies through this lifetime or any other...is there a god??
At many a time, my mind has been all but ready to accept the idea that god is a mere illusion. That we are all alone in this rat race to a place in space in time that few can see but all want to get to anyway. Many a times I have been tempted to allow myself to be swayed by the facts of science…. The big bang theory and there on the fusion of elements to create the first single celled entity capable of certain metabolic functions (magic!!..Eureka) that thereby underwent a zillion mutations to become larger, more complex entities….more accurately, functioning units. And so went the chain of chemical reactions leading to a biological morphism and produced after all the la-di-dah became us (humans that is!!)
So there was no god who created the world, all the beautiful, the ugly, the living, the undead, the seen, the unseen. He did not create Adam, and Eve was definitely an impossibility. There was no Eden garden and much less was there was a fruit of sin….
There was no Krishna and Rama, no Allah or Messiah.
We are all and will always be alone.Quite imaginably at these times, this above conclusion is a result of but one thing…. disillusionment. It’s the result of not getting something I want and could not have.
When I think about this objectively though, as I do now, I ask myself another question.
What is god??or rather who is god???
Is he some haloed, bright faced, dark eyed, powerful (as in more powerful than Keanu in matrix), with a heavenly glow who can make things happen before I can say G-O-D??!!
Is he the one that comes down to earth on certain days?? Is he the one that makes the poor rich, the one who delivers those in pain, the one who awakens the dead, the one who grants immortality??I think not, and this I believe.
But I do believe in a power that I name god for there is no other word I know that’d describe that kind of power.The power of will.A will to aspire, a will to scrounge to fulfill dreams, a will to live, a will to breathe, a will to say…..believe.
When people go to worship places, the temples, the churches, the mosques and celebrate in the light of blazing candles and lamps, what they call god with a trueness and oneness of mind, when they believe with all their might, I believe that something very powerful happens. They willingly make an effort to change in the direction they need to move in. if for nothing else, they do this for the salvation of their faith and that will that they call god make miracles happen. It makes the poor wealthy, it delivers those in pain, it saves the dying, it grants longitivity.And thus contra to the faith that god gave a kick start to evolution, its evolution that gave a kick start to god!! I am not an atheist I believe in a supreme power.
Within myself, within any being with a will. A human being, an animal, a plant, a bacteria an HIV even!!! This belief is our salvation. It is a rope to hold on to in the dark,. It is a ray of light. It helps when we are afraid to move an inch, to take a leap….the leap of faith(so truly named!)
........And so I say when I’m elated, ‘thank you god!!’; when I’m relieved, ‘thank god’; when I’m afraid, ‘god save me’; when I’m broken, ‘god…’; and when I’m in love and when it hurts to say so; when I’m in inconceivable pain…when there is no where I can go and darkness falls upon me, surrounds me, envelopes, swallows me and tries to claim me….GOD!! Look within me at the light that shines there, the passionate torch of my faith, I can see a way (all of a sudden!)

There is light at the end of the tunnel!!

family rocks!!

Man is and always will be a social animal…..no man is an island….(hardy-har-har.. no hot piece of news there) but why cant man just be social with all those he meets without tying himself down to all these people around him??? Animals don’t do that, why does man have to?? Animals take care of their young until they can fend for themselves and then they just mind their own business.I’m twenty and my folks still fuss over me like I might feel the need for them to change my diapers all of a sudden or something. Why all of the fussing??? Why have a family.. I myself invested a large amount of energy into this question…..and very unsuccessfully at that. But let me tell u whatever the reason, whatever the calling is…. I’m glad. I’m glad I’ve got people I belong with. I’m glad that when I come back home after a long day, I have people there whom I can count on. As someone famous said ‘my home is not a place but people….’.Every family goes their share of up’s and down’s. We’ve had our share of them too……kinda large share of the down’s but whatever.(enough already all you destiny makers). But at the end of the day, or month, or year or whatever time frame that’s under consideration, no matter how many friends I have or how many times I run to them for help, it is my family that is my ultimate sheath of support. Why?? I think it might have something to do with the fact that (as Shakespeare said) ‘all the worlds a stage and all men and women but actors and actresses’ (at least that’s how I remember it!) we all play our roles and most of the times we wear masks (and you thought I really was olive oyl!!). but with family, that mask wears off, the makeup melts and gets smeared, the costumes, they slip off. The truth is seen. They see what you are at your worst, at your best. What the ‘naked’ truth is. They accept that truth…sometimes for the sheer lack of choice. They become part and parcel of your lives and you of theirs. So no matter how you are or what you do or how you feel about the issues affecting the world, they would want you to stay in their lives. They know instinctively how you feel. They see it in your eyes, know it from the tone of your voice, they feel it in your smile and your hug…..they just know. I love all my friends and often say that they are my immortality. But I’m so very glad mankind chose the ‘family way’ of life!!
As Dorothy said….
'theres no place like home..theres no place like home.....’

viruses suck!!!


yea...im down with the virus.... ahem.. a bad cold...its been three days now...i feel like shit (pretty much literally...i.e...gooey and dirty)...here are the 10 things i think suck the most about having a cold..
1) u hav to breathe from your mouth which makes your throat feel MUCH worse.
2)just as you go to bed (exausted may i add), you realize that you cant breathe ANY way.
3) you can NEVER find a hanky, nor can you locate the vicks you thought u saw two days back.
4) all the concerned individuals in your life ask you to gargle before going to bed.... which you dont feel inclined to do.
5)you cannot say anthing that involves nasal sounds (e.g. this sentence would sound like- 'you canddot say adythig that idvolbes dasasl soudds').
6)you lose at least five hankies in a week (after mum locates them).
7)when you really need to take a pee..your nose decides to get irritated n you start sneezing makin you NEARLY wet your pants.
8)all you can smell is the filth in your nose and people choose that very time to gift you roses!!
9)your nose gets all raw at the nostrils and starts burnin when you apply a balm like vicks(also after mum finds it)10)you cant taste a shit n it happens to be the weekend family outing to the new out-of-this-world eatin joint!!!

bonus point for moi!!- iv got a pierced nose and hence cant blow stuff out without injuring myslf terribly!! so to all you cold infected people in this world.....i feel your pain...i know how it is when you cant stop sneezing and coughing and sniffing and people look at you like your the kid scratchin the blackboard to irritate everyone!! and to all those scientists....HIV can wait...take on the common cold for starters!!

why cant i love you less??


when the ship pulls in the shore,
and waitin arms all around are held forth,
i cant ignore the pain i feel ,
when mine are the only ones still empty
why then am i so sleepless?
why cant i just love you less?

when the night gathers around,
when the dinner is all but cold,
the moon i think mourns my pain
as i still wait out in the rain,
why do i so obsess?
why cant i just love you less?

when spring comes forth with glory,
flowers, dew, colours, sing for joy,
i wait till feet hurt,
from waitin for the long scented roads
to bring you home,
why do i feel lik this?
why cant i just love you less?

one last time...

Before the sultry sun goes down,
Let me take you in my arms.
Before the birds stop their chirping,
Before the storm's whistle sounds,
Let me take you in my arms.

Before the tiny lamp's light fades,
Let me kiss your tender lips,
Before the nightlife awakens,
Before the darkness invades,
Let me kiss your tender lips.

Before the deathly quiet wins over,
Let me look deep into you,
Before my people drift into slumber,
Before the light of the moonlight shower,
Let me look deep into you.

Before the sun has fled for cover,
Let me ask of you,
one last wish
Before the streets empty out,
Before sweet slumber takes my mind,
Let me once more be your lover.

the someone i am has just become,
i did not plan for it to be like this,
but it is like this and this is me
so y dont u just let me be?

the someone i am,
it just happened,
i grew to where i had space to breathe,
to find a clear cloudless sky,
to watch hiding, heartbreak passing by.

the someone i am,
well thats just so
it helps me block out the cruel sun,
if its shying away from a hit,
then i say so be it.

the someone i am,
it cant be helped
at least i'm not been shut out.
even without hope for miles,
at least i can still smile.

the someone i am,
its just what i am,
i saved my heart to love i may not live by the rule,
but that just makes me beautiful